Sabaydii,

 

Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘Facing my old ghost’

 

Hakphaang,

 

 

Passing by to see the old Ministry[1]

I once proudly roamed

Looking at the path

I once walked

Watery eyes

I became

 

How could I justify myself

Leaving the job

So promising

So much coveted?

 

After nearly 2 decades

I was still

Where I first started

 

Is this what I am getting?

For being so proud

So Lao

For so long

 

Hard to swallow

A bitter pill

Squeezed down my throat

 

If I were to be granted a wish

May that wish be

Never would I be helpless

Seeing my old country

Bled in front of my eyes

And I too bled

 

With one step in the gate

I faced my own ghost

Sneering at me

At what I became

At what I could be

 

If only

I could close my eyes

Shut off my ears

And let history bury me

Into nothingness

Will that ghost go away?

Or will I have to step forward

And come to terms with myself?

 

With an unbelievably heavy leg

I pulled it in

And stared my own ghost

In the eyes

 

Never it be

In my lifetime

I will be defeated

 

9.4.03