A lonely night at the river

Sabaydii,

Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘A lonely night at the river’

Hakphaang,

Kongkeo Saycocie

Staying overnight

At the newly built hotel

With the room facing the Mekong

I couldn’t help but thinking of the days

I looked back at Thakek

From the Thai shore

Many a time

I got out of the Napho camp[1]

Coming to Nakhon Phanom[2]

Just to stare at Thakek

At Muang Lao

I left behind

What a sinking feeling indeed

To see the land dear to my heart

Not of my soul

Any more

They say

It will be hard

To leave the land

You’ve lived all your life

But you will be over it soon

Will I?

Tens of years

I had lived abroad

Made a home there

And carved out

A nice little life

But still

Not a moment went by

My heart wasn’t longing

For the fragrant smell of DokChampa[3]

My dad planted

And so too

Whenever I hear about DouangChampa’s tune[4]

I felt like my heart was crying

Sobbing trembling

Tonight

With the moonlight dancing

On the calm surface of the river

I let my heart cry out

For the land I was born into

For the country I was rendered powerless

And for my soul badly torn

Before it could even begin to soar

Will I be ever whole again?

No answer

But the silent flow

Of this holy river…

8.18.03

[1] The refugee camp where they put the refugees fleeing Laos after 1980. I was kept in that camp for four years. This camp is about 20 miles from Nakhon Phanom.

[2] The Thai town opposite Thakek. If you want to go out of the camp, either you have to pay your way out or you have connection with the Thai authorities. Since I worked for IVS (International Volunteer Service – an agency to get refugees to come to the U.S.), I could travel outside the camp quite often, especially in the later years of my stay over there.

[3] The national flower of Laos.

[4] The melodious song which captures the Lao spirit. Virtually every Lao knows this song by heart. Part of this song goes like this:

‘when I have to be away from the land I was born

I will take you as my friend

A friend of sorrow

Until the end of my life

Oh Douang Champa

Oh the flower of my life’